I HATE dealing with people. That’s kinda what kicked off my depression/anxiety bout. Sure, I used to put on an act or a mask and endured. Shoot, back when… I didn’t even “hate” it; I sucked it up and did it, even with how uncomfortable it was for me.
But then there comes a time when it becomes too much.
And it sucks being my age. Everybody HAS to know your business and be involved.
Growing up I had a few close friends and I guess some extended circles where we were “friends” but never really did anything together.
Graduation came and I kept in touch with a few people, mostly if they kinda stayed around. But then everyone starts to leave for colleges, or church missions, or relocating jobs. And I’m stuck in this crap town.
A “five year reunion” is being planned soon apparently… I don’t want to go. I don’t feel close to anyone as most people haven’t kept in touch… plus the fact that I have nothing to show (job, spouse, mission, schooling, etc.)
Dating has always been tough for me. I now have zero self confidence. The last “interest” I had was fantastic! But she slowly stopped talking/caring it seems… and I’m probably a coward for not doing anything. But I don’t want to rush and possibly blow my chance.
As I write this I’m having a war trying to decide if I should go to my young-adult church group. I want friends/a girlfriend, but I don’t like socializing.
And once again, I keep getting told, God has a plan and will “give” things to you when he wants you to have them. But I’ve also been taught to put in some effort… not just wait for Him to hand things to you on a silver platter.
I want to break free from my home and family. Not that I don’t like them. But there’s that other saying that: “the birds need to learn to leave the nest”. I’m frustrated that I’m too scared and insecure to do anything though. I’m a coward.