The Big C.
Well, IT happened. A word I never wanted to SEE, HEAR, or FEEL again. I call it “The Big C.”
If you’ve ever read the Harry Potter book series, you know that Harry’s archenemy is Lord Voldemort… but Voldemort is sooo evil almost every witch or wizard dares not utter his unmentionable name, and refers to him instead with such expressions as “You-Know-Who“, “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” or “the Dark Lord“.
That is the way I feel about… uhm… Cancer. (Excuse me while I go throw up.)
I experienced this dark disease in 2011 when I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I thought my life was over. My children were the ages of 18, 14, and 12. I worried who would take care of them and if they would ever be the same. I know I’m not the same.
But fast forward 5 years and I guess I’m one of the “lucky” ones who has survived this terrible ordeal. Although I don’t think the words “lucky” and “cancer” should be said in the same sentence.
I went through surgery where 18-inches of my colon was removed. And, since there were 4 lymph nodes that the cancer moved to from the colon wall, I was deemed in stage 4 (the last stage of cancer). So I went through 6 months of chemo therapy. Even though my faith is strong, this was a very dark time for me. I know where I came from before my time on this earth, I know why I’m here, and I know where I’m going after death. I know that all things happen for a reason and I trust God’s plan for me. So I put on the “Susie-Sunshine” persona and did what I had to do. But that doesn’t mean I have to look back at it with any sense of fondness.
Never put a period where God has put a comma.
Have you heard the phrase, “Never put a period where God has put a comma“? I had never heard of it until little over a month ago. I pondered what it meant for me. Then WHAM. My brother, Ivin Berneil Lee, older than me by two years, was diagnosed with terminal gastric cancer. It was called “gastric” cancer because they never determined the origin. The disease was so far in the advanced stage that even the doctors didn’t know the best way to treat it. And suddenly I understood the phrase… I was having to face an ordeal that I had left with a PERIOD… OVER… END OF STORY. But God was showing me that it was only a COMMA and He needed me to go through it again.
I did it. Once again, I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I went with my brother to doctor appointments. A colonoscopy and endoscopy. Surgery to install a chemo port and j-tube feeding port. And took care of him in my home the last week that he was alive. He passed away October 27, 2016 at 1:30 p.m. I still can’t believe he’s gone. Less than 30 days after his diagnosis, my brother passed away with me by his side and my dad holding his hand. So many mixed emotions. Once again, I’ll never be the same. I know God is molding me into something far greater than I could be on my own, but it sure does hurt.
I miss you Berneil. I’m sorry for all the pain you went through. I’m sorry I didn’t do more for you before it was too late. I’m proud of your courage in your battle with this terrible disease. I’m proud of your testimony of Jesus Christ and choosing to live your life according to His will. I have no regrets for the time we spent together the last month of your life. I’m glad you’re in peace now and with loved ones.
This is a plaque that a dear friend gave me while going through chemo. I truly wish that I could wave a magic wand and cancer would be gone forever!