With the passing of my uncle recently, things have been different. Not crazy different though. But we seem to be managing. If you’ve read my mother’s recent tribute post(s), you might now know how much of a Peanuts fan he was.
My mom made a little display stand of the famous Charlie Brown about to kick a football from Lucy and it has words above it saying “Never ever EVER give up!” Which in itself is a great motivational poster, almost up there with the “hang in there” cat.
But this got me thinking about myself. (I’m so sorry I’m extremely negative by the way.) These last few years I have been struggling with depression/anxiety/and a whole bunch of other issues I’m slowly discovering or learning about myself. Being an “HSP”, my INFJ personality, ADD tendencies, some PTSD believe it or not… anyways… it’s great to keep trying things. “Why do we fall Bruce, so we can learn to pick ourselves up.” – Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins.
But why keep trying when all it does is lead to failure? That’s where I’m at know in my mindset. It scares me to death and makes me sick to even contemplate retrying something. I’m horrified of dating and talking to girls, and don’t even trust myself sending a simple smile or message online or approach her in public. Applying for jobs when I “know” I can’t handle them. I think the last job I had was at Safeway. And it wasn’t even the job I applied for. I hate being asked “what are you up to?” Because I have nothing going on, besides figuring myself out… and I had an experience recently where A COMPLETE STRANGER asked me that.
I don’t know where this is going… but in short, why bother trying when “the odds aren’t in your favor”? How do you break this mindset? How can I gain my confidence again?