Oh great, they’re talking about a class “reunion” now. I don’t have anything to show and tell.
It’s late… as it comes to a close, some of us stick around. Comparing each others lives from how they were to what’s going on now. Gee thanks for bringing me and my pathetic life up.
Q. What are you up to? A. Surviving.
Q. How’s your girl situation? A. Single.
Q. Why don’t you do anything about those? A. Well… applying for a job you don’t want sucks, I end up crying before the interview and have to have my mom call to say “I quit”. Dating? I’m too horrified to even look in a girls general direction, let alone approach and talk to her. Online dating? Yeah, I’ve tried. It sucks when no one responds to you, blocks or shuts down their account after you “wink” at them. There was one girl who was basically a godsend… but I guess she didn’t feel the same way, and I was “lead on” (in a way) and hopeful it would work. I have no confidence. It hurts even seeing a cute actress on TV or someone out in public.
When you look in the mirror… what do you want? A job, a house, a car, a relationship, money, happiness, success… list is endless. Most of these are long term goals… you need to set smaller ones. I don’t know. I’m struggling to even wake up in the morning.
I love video games… but it’s getting harder to sit down and relax.
Music was something I could relate to… Nothing excites me anymore.
Other members of my family are having their own struggles, they don’t have time to help me. Doctors beat around the bush. I hate the meds I’m taking, they don’t help, but I can’t function without them.
Money money money money money… am I angry at God? He’s done a lot for me. But I don’t feel or see it anymore? That’s probably a lie. I don’t care anymore… “I wish I didn’t exist” and that doesn’t even cover how I feel still.